Home is.... where, again?

They say that home is where the heart is.

... and they also say that home is where you hang your hat. But which is it? And, who are "they" anyway?

For the holidays, Justyn and I went back to Nashville. It was an odd sensation to be a visitor in a place that used to be home. A place, in fact, that until recently I have still referred to as "home." Like, going "back home" for Christmas. But even preparing to leave, something just didn't feel quite right. I mean, I always get a little anxious about traveling even though I like it. So, I rarely "look forward" to any kind of trip or visit.

I saw downtown Nashville from the plane and I felt nothing. Don't get me wrong, I was excited to see friends and family, but I felt strangely distant from the emotion of being back. Of course, part of me was nervous. It's daunting to juggle time with mom, dad & step-mom, brother, best friends, and other friends, and to fit everyone in the space of just one week. But we had made detailed schedule beforehand (did you expect anything less?) so that helped take some pressure off.

My mom is staying in our house (the one we couldn't sell) so it was sort of like being in the twilight zone while we stayed there. But, I found it oddly comforting, though. Although it was a little unsettling to see someone else's stuff in our house, I was glad to see my mom in a nice place. And better her than some other renter that would trash the place or junk it up with a bunch of crap. We had major landlord problems, though, from the moment the plane landed. From a fried water heater to a leaky toilet, and even some autumn leaf cleanup, it definitely ruined my relaxation goal for about half the trip. It makes me glad to live in an apartment. I do not miss owning a home, much to the chagrin of my husband.

I miss my friends the most. I mean, of course I miss my family, too, but they're family so I know they'll come visit me and keep in touch. But friends, they're different. We went to visit some really good "couple-friends" of ours, and it was like we'd never left. It was after midnight and we had been there for almost 8 hours, plus we still had half an hour drive home. But it was still the hardest thing to just get up and say, "Well, guys... I guess we should head out..." Even though we've made some friends here, nothing will ever compare to our friends in Nashville. They're the only people I know that can discuss men who lactate and an Amazonian fish that swims up your pee-hole all in one dinner conversation. I'm not much of a cry-baby, but I did cry after saying goodbye to Amy... and that was the only time.

So I guess the conclusion is that I miss the people in Nashville, but I don't miss Nashville itself much at all. I think that's why I haven't really gotten homesick all that much since we left. We've been in Oregon for 6 months now, and I think I've reached the displacement phase. Because, Portland doesn't really feel like home yet. But Nashville definitely isn't home anymore either.

So, is home where the heart is, or is it where you hang your hat? I guess for me, it's somewhere in between. Like, somewhere in Nebraska.